The Nightmare

I had a shocking nightmare last night. The worst part about it was that amidst the weird effects dreams seem to be made of, most of it was real!! A nightmare of bad things I’d done & real people I’ve hurt.I awoke in a dark fog crying out ‘I’m sorry I’m sorry!’
I woke up exhausted.
It was horrible!
Horrible because most of it wasn’t fiction!
My heart was breaking for those I’ve hurt along life’s way, way back through the decades- some intentionally and others unintentionally.
As the fog lifted and morning light broke through, I whispered ‘please forgive me’ and heard God say ‘I did!’

The relief in those two words is indescribable.
It is almost beyond comprehension and definitely beyond human reasoning.
I am forgiven.
How would I have gotten through another day without that forgiveness? How could I get up & face the world carrying that guilt & shame?
I just couldn’t.
I know I couldn’t.
And I wasn’t meant to.

I wasn’t meant to do what I did in my past, but it is done.
I am not meant to stagger through my present bearing the unbearable weight of my load of guilt & shame.
There is one who came specifically to do that and he did it once and for all… carried my sin, shame, guilt and pain upon his own back and then conquered it! …
Bore it, wore it, nailed it!!
It’s undeserved grace. Amazing grace.
It is supernatural forgiveness and a clean slate beginning every time my heart cries out in pain and shame, ‘forgive me’.

How’s your back? Carrying a heavy load? That load was carried by someone else, someone who loves you unconditionally and would rather die himself than have you struggle alone.

God is NOT some hard-task-master in the sky wielding a big ugly stick to strike victims with! He is a gracious, loving, caring, wonderful Saviour who is passionately committed to your success – so much so that he sent his only son, so that whoever believes in him will not die but have life, and life abundant, here and for all eternity.
Take the load you’re carrying straight to the cross and say ‘I’m sorry. Forgive me.’
And hear Him say ‘I know. I do!’

The dark fog lifts and a clear day has begun. I turn to my Creator and tell him I’m out to live an admirable life of blessings and love, success and peace – but I’m not real good at it without his help. And I remind myself – that same kind of deep, healing, amazing grace God freely offers to me, I want to shine it out toward others.

True freedom is not just my own forgiveness (of which I remain humbly and truly eternally grateful) but my forgiveness of others.
Live free my friend!